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So I lay listless from my side of the bed
for I’ve made myself get used to substituting
the remnants of my past, for missing you.
My room is a desolate array of forbidden thoughts
of unwanted freedom, of careless choice.
Will I forever wake from interrupted sleep…
panting for breath, for dear life because I’ve
dreamt of your demise that was caused by me?
What is in the rhythm of your voice
that sends me to the depths of purgatory
forever lost in the arms of wandering souls,
drowned by my angst, of making you forget me
when in truth I myself cannot do.
This madness that I have succumb to
makes me helpless in accepting that I lost you
away from the grasp of my clumsy fingers
away from the need of my selfish heart.
If you think that I am a woman that will forever be
a big child, I won’t make you yield from that belief.
I’ve always been a cheerful bitch when you’re around.
I may never do what you want me to do,
I may never think the way you expect me to.
But I can hurt you far more than I can restrain,
far more than I wanted to feel for myself.
Thus far more than the love that sprang from the hurt
that dwelt between us.
–by n|ne—
If there was nothing that I could say
Turned your back and you just walked away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you
Together is all I knew
We moved too fast but I had no signs
I would try to turn the hands of time
I look to you for a reason why
The love we had passed me by
And as the sun would set, you would rise
Fall from the sky into paradise
Is there no light in your heart for me
You’ve closed your eyes, you no longer see
There were no lies between me and you
You said nothing of what you knew
But there was still something in your eyes
Left me helpless and paralysed
You could give a million reasons change the world and change the tides
Could not give me the secrets of your heart and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds me now there is no peace of mind
Your careless words undo me, leave the thought of us behind
You could give a million reasons change the world and change the time
Could not give me the secrets of your heart and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds you know there is no peace of mind
Your careless words undo me, leave the thought of us behind
–lyrics by chicane—
I’ve tried so hard to forget the pain. On the day when I reach for the blade again. My eyes fill with tears as you stare at me. If I lift up my arms, what do you see? You see scars and blood and pain. While I feel release from the world again. You call me a freak, you laugh when I cry. Head hung low, you’ll dance when I die. You run to mummy to keep safe from harm. Because I’m just the girl with the scars on her arm. One day when you’ve gone to a lonely place, and I’m still the girl with the scars on her face. At least I’ll be happy when you’re lost in the stars. Because I’ll be more than the girl with the scars.
**from deviantart.com**
im abt 2 xpire n id lky 2 noe wat da hel im doin hir. things grew familiar as the little hnd of my watch tiks by, emphasizing my pitied state of loserness. i h8 dis thing wen void cmes 2 me, mking me think stupid things i shudv dne b4 i got hir.
tao lang nga ba ko.stupid talaga. i tried to be close 2 a more perfect being, more true than i ever will. i failed. because my god cannot forget. i can’t do a thing abt dat. offering my lyf wud anger him. i just dnt noe wat 2 do. i wanted 2 b his. but i guess im just a stupid person, reaching up to heights that cant be mine. stupid life, stupid me.
the love you find is not blind, it is what it made you.
if u want him back pls tell me so i can air him out of the murderous drops of death he has endured.
**sent to b geist, 2003**
patay nang mga ilaw
walang ibang nandito kundi ako
bakit ba kailangang, ako ang maiwan
bakit ba kailangan, mong lumisan?
kailan ka ba muling darating?
malapit na namang magtakipsilim
tama bang umasa’t humiling?
marami pa akong dapat sisihin
ilang ulit ba itong nangyari?
ilang gabi at muling…
maraming beses nang umiyak ang…
maraming beses hindi makayanan…
kailan ka ba muling darating?
malapit na namang magtakipsilim
at kahit na ilang ulit mo akong saktan
nais lamang ang makapiling ka
makapiling ka…
kailan ka ba muling darating?
malapit na namang magtakipsilim
at kahit na ilang ulit mo pa akong saktan
basta’t sa susunod ‘ndi mo na ako iiwan
kailan ka ba muling darating?
marami na akong tinagong lihim
at kahit na ilang ulit mo pa akong saktan
basta’t sa susunod ‘ndi mo na ako iiwan
at kahit na ilang ulit mo pa akong saktan
basta’t sa susunod ‘ndi mo na ako iiwan
**lyrics by Itchyworms**
